Parenting: 10 tips for raising strong children

Raising strong children means teaching children to trust themselves and others, not being afraid to express their ideas in a respectful and constructive way and to ask themselves in difficult moments in life: "how can I get out of it?", "Which ones strategies can I use? ". Here are the recommendations from the experts.

Sometimes observing our children we fear that they are too fragile in a world that seems increasingly difficult.

But how do you raise strong children? Its really not a big deal...

What does it mean to be strong?

"Strength is the ability to accept others, who may have different mentalities than ours; it is the ability to resist fear and continue to move forward without guarantees of reward; it is the ability to live in love".

Strong personalities are those who have an assertive behavior, that is, they have full confidence in themselves and in others, they are able to affirm their rights without denying those of others and express themselves clearly and directly, but not threatening or aggressive.

According to the Psychologists, The passive and the aggressive one, both sharing the lack of trust in themselves and in others and the inability to communicate their needs and rights".

Raising assertive and strong children means getting them used to asking themselves in difficult moments in life: "how can I get out of it?", "What strategies can I use?".

1. Cultivate self-esteem

In order to raise a child with self-confidence, it is essential to convey him the idea that he applies only to the fact of existing. It applies even if it takes a bad mark, even if it is a whim and is scolded. Unconditional acceptance by the parent is the basis of secure attachment. And it will help him, when he grows up, to face life constructively.

Acceptance obviously does not mean permissiveness, indeed limits and rules are important. Unconditional means being empathetic with your child, accepting him for what he is. Never go out with phrases that affect being "you are not good because ...", but only the behavior: "it is wrong to throw objects, you must not do it!"

It is also important to have realistic expectations for your children and to teach them to achieve a goal step by step. To expect too much from a child is counterproductive, it can demotivate your kid, with negative consequences for self-esteem.

2. The positive reinforcement

Whenever a child takes a small step towards his goal, he should be underlined and praised with words of encouragement. These reinforcements help him motivate himself. But do not limit yourself to conditioned reinforcements, that is, those linked to specific behaviors, such as "I am happy with your beautiful report card", but often also use unconditional reinforcements: "I am fine with you", "how nice to be with you!".

And if a child is particularly difficult, for example he is hyperactive, take advantage of the brief moments in which he is behaving correctly and intervene immediately to underline how good he is doing, in order to consolidate and strengthen a positive attitude. Imagine having a magnifying glass that shows only the positive aspects, otherwise the risk is that of triggering a vicious circle of reproaches with consequent increase in problematic behavior.

3. Listen to him with empathy

"Authentic listening is an attitude that comes from the heart of the adult and reaches that of the child where his emotions are contained. Listening presupposes strong emotional availability, benevolence, understanding, emotional closeness"

The advice is therefore to devote to your child at least 10-15 minutes a day paying close attention (maybe in the night before going to bed ...). During this listening you can also ask him to tell you three good things and three bad things that happened to him during the day.

The three positive things help him to visualize that even on the worst days there is always something positive; the three bad things to make people understand that negative emotions can be accepted and that sharing them with parents is helpful. Reformulate what he tells you and give a name to his emotions.

This emphatic listening foresees that the parent does not give solutions (they must learn to find them alone), nor judgments.

4. Help him overcome the difficulties by telling him fairy tales

A good way to help him solve his problems on his own is through therapeutic fairy tales. That is, tell them stories specially designed by you to deal with a specific problem. Create a protagonist with the physical characteristics of your child, so that he identifies with him.

Then invent the character of the friend who immediately solves the problem and tells it to the protagonist, highlighting the advantages of having overcome that difficulty. Listening to the words of the friend also the protagonist / child will be able to reach the goal.

5. The importance of the rules

The rules give security and favor the process of adaptation to social and relational life. Acquiring the rules means becoming constructive people and developing a feeling of security. "They are the tracks in which to channel the energies: without them the train can go anywhere and derail".

To give rules effectively, it is important first of all to express them positively: instead of saying: "do not make the usual brat with your grandmother!", Better: "when your grandmother comes, help her sit down and offer her some biscuits".

Express them gently but in a feminine way, clearly and without going too far: "I'm sure you will put the bedroom in order today: start with the doll basket". If he does it right away, highlight it with positive praise.

Do not exaggerate in the numbers.

You can also play the game of the contract: if the child respects them, he will receive an award in return (a snack at the bar ... an extra hour of play at the park ...)

6. Teach step by step

As explained in the first point, it is important not to have unrealistic expectations of children in order not to create unnecessary frustrations in them. Teach them to do things in small steps, positively reinforcing them for each step they reach.

For example, if you want to learn to tidy up the bedroom, you start making him put two games ... and then three ... and so on, until he does everything himself. The ultimate goal of our teachings must be to get them used to doing it themselves. The child who is asked to do it himself is given a message of trust, important for his self-esteem.

7. Take risks and be able to say no

A strong person is one who learns to take risks, that is, to carry out one's ideas and beliefs, in a respectful and non-aggressive way, even with the risk of losing something. Teaching this attitude, as well as saying no is important because it will get children used to having courage and to reject wrong or inappropriate requests. These attitudes are learned basically through the example of parents.

8. Willpower

Convey to your children the concept that in life, 'to get what you want, you have to commit yourself.'
Also in this case the example of the parent counts a lot: if after an effort you are satisfied and not just tired, show them that reaching the goal, however tiring, makes you feel satisfied and makes you feel good.

If the goal to achieve is very difficult, break it up into many small intermediate stages, and to encourage your child, use many positive reinforcements.

And if one day you can't make it to the expected stage, don't dramatize it, you must also teach yourself to be self-indulgent (on the contrary, you risk having a negative vision of yourself).
It can be useful to help the child visualize the things he has to do with a drawn or written list.
Another trick is to repeat the same instructions several times so that the child, when he is in the live situation, reminds him of the behavior to be put in place, for example ask him several times: "how will you behave when you are sitting in classroom with the teacher? ".

You can also play the game and mimic the behavior your child has to follow. These repetitions are used to automate gestures and show the closest success.

9. Limit television and digital devices

Old and new media are sources of distraction: they compromise the development of children and weaken their personality. A study showed that only after an hour of exposure to television, the academic performance of the children may surely drop drastically.

Other research has shown that early and massive exposure has negative effects on language development, logical skills, socialization and also on willpower. The same applies to mobile phones. The Canadian Pediatric Academic Societies presented a study in 2017 in which children between 6 months and 2 years of age who spent more time with smartphones were more likely to experience language delays.

It is therefore important to limit TV or other digital media. The American Academy of Pediatrics does not recommend any type of screen up to 18 months, from 18 to 24 months very little and well-selected contents, between two and five years not more than an hour a day.

10. Take some time for yourself

In order to raise a strong child, first of all it is important that the parents are well, if you are full of energy you are naturally stronger and more positive and you can set a good example. If a parent is tired and stressed, it is easier for them to have low resistance and react with depression and despair when faced with difficulties.

So first of all try to limit stress.

Put your worries in the right perspective, often in stressful situations you tend to exaggerate. Ask yourself, "Is what really happened that bad? Will it destroy me?" One way to recharge your energy is to dive into the present, not to bask in the past or to return to happiness the next day. We must learn to enjoy the moment, and to focus on the little things of everyday life.

Then don't forget to give yourself some attention: take 20 minutes to read a book, have a coffee, take a bath ...

Exercise: a good rule would be three times a week for at least 20 minutes. Exercise affects the release of endorphins that raise mood and make you feel good.

Try to sleep between seven to eight hours (the absence of sleep leads to a state of chronic stress).
If you can't relax, you can try yoga, autogenic training, mindfulness ... And finally try to follow a correct diet. :)

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Do you yell at your kids and then feel guilty?

As the period of confinement lengthens, the spirits at home are more heated. Combining teleworking with kitchen, cleaning, school and amusement park tasks has not been easy from the beginning and day after day the feeling of overload is increasing.

It is difficult to stay focused when, to the already demanding task of organizing family logistics, there is a concern for health and the economy or the uncertainty of when and how this will end. And all this in the small space of a home that we now perceive full of people and where finding a moment for ourselves involves shutting ourselves in the bathroom and closing the latch. They don't always make it easy!

"With this panorama it is not surprising that from time to time, much more often than we would like, the outbursts of anger are directed at the smallest of the house."

Let's see, they earn it… they don't stop talking, they seem to be in the clouds, they never pay attention, they enjoy making love with each other and wherever they go they sow chaos. These are generally we do...

Explode ... and feel guilty 

And when you have already spoken, explained, reasoned, repeated and repeated the same thing over and over again without, apparently, no result, comes the scream, the anger, the door slam or the super-punishment.

And you are an erupting volcano without any control. And after a while, of course, you recognize that you have passed, that it was not so bad, but it is that ... and guilt comes. The feeling that you should be doing better but it doesn't work. So I'm going to give you some guidelines for trying to handle conflict in a somewhat healthier way.

Admit the problem 

The first of all is to call a family reunion and calmly explain the problem: the situation is getting longer, you are all tired, nervous and somewhat sad and lately you feel that the atmosphere at home is from a cowboy movie when mourning the sun . Don't look guilty, don't go into details. Talk about how you feel and how you think others feel (tired, frustrated, bored, fed up ...).

Announce that from this moment on, the important thing for you will be to stay calm, not to have food on time, or clean bathrooms, or that homework is done. Take a mental picture of that moment. Repeat it every morning in front of the mirror. Write it on a piece of paper and hang it on the fridge.

The place of calm

You are going to prepare a containment place at home. Your room, the balcony, the bathroom ... When you feel that you are going to explode, announce it briefly: "This situation overwhelms me, I want to explode, I need to calm down", you let go of everything you have in your hands and you leave without looking back. Reclude yourself, take three deep breaths and repeat to yourself those things that you sometimes forget: "all this will happen" "they have not done it on purpose" "the important thing is to calm down".

Serenely consider what has happened, rate its severity from 1 to 10. It is not the same as your child inadvertently spilling a glass of water to throw a fork at his sister. Think of a natural consequence of this behavior: if it has become dirty, it is cleaned, if the brothers are not able to live together, they each play in their room, if they do not fulfill their obligation, they do not have their reward ... Use this resource sparingly. As much as sometimes you want the solution is not to spend the day in isolation.

Focus on the emotions 

Describe what you have seen and how you think it feels. Put yourself in their place, but really: “I understand that you are tired of making these school cards that seem stupid to you. It doesn't seem to make much sense to do them from home. ” Invite him/ her to talk about how he/ she feels. Do not judge or say what you have to do. Look and listen. Talk about what makes you feel similarly so that she knows you understand or remembers a similar situation that ended well “Do you remember when you had to do that social work…? look it was hard, but in the end you were super-proud of the result. ” State the rule and seek a consensus solution (if possible) or give it a graceful exit.

Values ​​successes and progress 

This is not the time to get delicious. Celebrate small victories explicitly: take the chocolate out of the drawer to celebrate that your children have assembled a layman without arguing, propose a wave for finishing homework in record time, wink at whoever gives you a hand to set the table, invent a victory dance for when the room is tidy ... And when the day is over, review all those moments when you have been able to not use your family as an escape valve. Take out the chocolate again and put on that song that you like or that series that makes you laugh. You have overcome a new day. If the situation overflows you continuously and you have entered a tension dynamic at home, just try to consult with yourself who is the great psychologist you could ever seen..

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Happiness is not found in money, but over time

Since childhood we are led to believe that money makes happiness. We pour our desire to feel good about objects, as if they were actually the origin of well-being. We grow up convinced that things make us happy and consequently we become obsessed with money. Because without money, we cannot buy all those objects that we see everywhere: on television, on social networks, in newspapers, on famous and smiling people.

From an early age, we are convinced that money is the most precious asset. Not only do we begin to judge others by this parameter (the more you have, the more you are worth), but we make money our obsession.

For many, their formula for Happiness = money + things - which is a dreadful truth

The problem is that sooner or later we all find ourselves at a point in our life where money counts for absolutely nothing. And when we get there, we realize that there is a much more precious asset.

Death and the importance of time

There is nothing more democratic than death. At that moment, your bank account and the items you have accumulated are worth absolutely nothing. Each of us takes different life paths, but at that point we are all the same.

And with almost absolute certainty, I can say that any person about to die thinks that the most important asset is not money, but time. If he could, he would give away everything he owns to have more time.

Money can be accumulated and can be lost. You can became richer or poorer. The objects are bought, broken and thrown away. They can be owned by someone who is looking for it. You can always find a way to increase your money or assets, but there is no way to increase your time.

Seems obvious, doesn't it?

Yet it is not. Think about it: from an early age we are stimulated to chase many things, but not time.
We are told to study to get a good job, which allows us to buy a large house and a powerful car. When we become adults, that instinct is still inside us, stronger than ever, in fact we do not choose the job that we like and reward most, but the one that pays best.

The false myth that wants material wealth equal to happiness infects us as children and pushes us, as adults, to never say no in front of the opportunity to make money. Even when we don't need it. Even at the expense of our relationships, our passions and our health.

The more we work, the more euphoric we are, because we think of nothing but the money we will earn. But in reality it is an illusion. Perhaps the greatest illusion of our times.

As you pursue money, time passes inexorably

You work, you work and you work, chasing a wealth that will never be enough. Because if when you have zero the prospect of having 100 seems fantastic, when you finally have 100 you think it would be great to have 1,000. And when you reach 1,000 you ask yourself, "Why not get to a million?" In the meantime, time passes. Inexorable.

The days go by without leaving a trace. They are all bloody the same, because they are based on repetitive activities: every day you go to the office and always repeat the same actions. Day after day, decade after decade.

There are very lucky people who love their jobs. In them I have always seen a very rare happiness: that of taking up your time and making a living by doing what you love. The vast majority of humans, however, are not happy with their job.

The paradox of preferring money over time

Many wake up every morning with a bad mood and appear nervous in the office. When they understand that they are dissatisfied, they have only one possibility to get by: anesthetizing the mind. Making the mind impervious to those dangerous thoughts (one above all: "isn't it that I'm throwing my life away?") Is the only way to continue pursuing material gain. And that's what all institutions put in our heads from an early age: fatigue, renunciations, sufferings, the myth of "carrying the cross" are necessary characteristics to be rewarded (perhaps) tomorrow.

But the money you receive in return is unable to buy the lost time to be unhappy and unsatisfied. One of the greatest paradoxes of our times lies in the fixed thinking of millions of people when they are in the workplace:"I hope that time passes quickly today" Isn't it absurd? How can we hope that the only asset impossible to recover or buy will end quickly? It seems pure madness, yet when you are blinded by the idea of ​​making money, this reasoning also seems sensible. Unfortunately it is not. The idea that happiness is linked to money is based on another great illusion.

I didn't envy the money of the millionaires, but their time

Everyone envies millionaires, but for the wrong reason. We believe we admire their lives for the money they have in the bank, in reality it is not so: what we envy is the time they have available.

Do you know why you would like to be the millionaire on Instagram? Because he has the time to do what he wants.

Most people are forced to work at least five days a week, often eight hours a day. It is an exhausting activity, which lacks energy and keeps our dreams of happiness away. What really sets millionaires apart from everyone else is not luxury cars and villas with a swimming pool. Their most precious asset is not money, but the time they have to do what they want.

Learn to be like the weather

What I understood by meeting many madmen and dreamers on my way, is that the real purpose of life can never be simple monetary enrichment. What will make us smile, as an elderly, will be to look back without regrets but with a heart full of wonderful memories.

You cannot buy the awareness of having made sense of our journey on this earth. It's true: trying to have more free time isn't easy. But it is worth trying, because time passes inexorably. At the time, nothing matters about money, responsibilities, appearances, what others think is right.

And sometimes we too should be like the time: stop thinking about obligations, responsibilities and "what's right". Sometimes, simply, we should flow relentlessly towards our happiness.

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Kiddies cloud - a noble intervention program for kids from Karuvi foundation to help them to limelight their talent

"Mom, shall I make a frog from this paper", "Dad, I'll become a dancer", "Love of grandfather, what do you want to do when you grow up?", how much is it nice to fantasize about all the wonderful challenges that children will face to grow up and find their way?   

The point is how to find the right path for our child, the one in which he/ she succeeds best and is most talented. Because, if there is no doubt that every child has a particular and specific talent, it is not always easy to recognize it or help him to identify and strengthen it.

The psychologists and psychotherapists explains how to try to understand and how to encourage the passions of the little ones, so that, who knows, they don't really become a job: we adults know it well, doing your job with passion and love is among the most beautiful things of the world. Don't we want the same for our children?   

We, the Karuvi foundation is regularly conducting workshops in play schools/ schools for the pint sized ballerinas. The workshop includes arts, craft, music, dance, yoga and so on.

We issue workshop completion certificates, medal prizes have been distributed to them as a token of encouragement. Karuvi foundation is also conducting internal and external competitions concerning with their levels. When more than 50 children are participating we also organise free medical camps, dental camps for the chiildren a well as for the parents who do not find time in their busy schedule to keep them fit.

It would be a privileged if you join your hands with us to organizing such workshops. Your little ones are not only benefited by the workshops but the school too is benefited by all means.

                                               
Hope we can meet to promote our kids and schools to the very next level. Contact us, we will make them rock!

Email: amarnath@karuvifoundation.in

                                     

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An athelete - a very active Sports team and child welfare head

Mrs. Sree Latha Devi, D.T.Ed., M.A. B.Ed., is an athelete and primary school teacher. Being having great enthusiasm to teach children the academics, teaching children how to sport, can sometimes be part of her. She had broaden her own horizons and get to know the wider world. She gained vast experience and work for disadvantaged groups in less developed areas.

She is very much passionate to teach kids Swimming, Running and Trekking and karuvi foundation is planning to conduct the classes regarding in the near future.

An active Sports volunteer

Through, karuvi foundation she become a volunteer trainer at schools and deprived regions such as slums in many parts of the city and in near future we are planning to expand it widely.  The children and adolescents look forward to a fresh wind from her and alternative training approaches.

For a voluntary service or volunteer work in the areas, you do not usually have to be a trained trainer, but you should have a good command of the respective sport and, above all, have fun teaching children and young people. She definitely fullfills this on the major part and is regularly volunteering herself for a good cause through our foundation.

In some schools there is no physical education due to a lack of teachers and scarce resources. As a volunteer, she can therefore get involved in various projects to give the little ones some exercise and variety in the sometimes monotonous everyday school life.

Team games in particular, promote team spirit, fitness training and fitness for the little ones and are a lot of fun for most of the students. Sometimes she take over the entire organization of physical education, since this is often not on the schedule.

Karuvi foundation is against child labour and child abuse and she plays the greater part. She is an active child welfare volunteer and the use of our facility is fetching the great benefits for children.

Do you want to be a part of child welfare?  Click here to donate --> 

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